It's funny how every time I feel the need to write things down it's because I feel the same way. This certain depressed sort of completely sad feeling I get when I feel like there is no one to talk to that would understand what is going on in my head. Things seem to go in circles and not in a good way. If i feel happy it will go away and be replaced by another let down or another guy telling me im not perfect enough and that they found someone better. I know its not my fault but its hard not to wonder whats wrong with me...

Here I am again... thinking about everything. Writing it all down. Work. School. People. Everything is the same. Bored and lonely most of the time. Ellyn moved to California. Mom is in Reno. And here I am. Stuck. At least I still have Susan around... until she goes west too. And I will still be stuck. In central Pennsylvania where there is nothing for me. I don't feel like I fit in with this crowd and this is not who I want to be. But I feel like I need to escape here before I can escape who I am becoming. I'm just trying to scrape by so I can be a better person and do what I should be doing with my life. But who knows what that is anyway. I guess the only thing I can do now is try to make real friends... you know the kind that are there when you need them and the kind that actually listen and talk so I can listen. I don't think I really have any of those kind of friends. Don't get me wrong, I have friends. They're just the kind that are there when they need something or when they want to party. When the water gets deep they jump out and leave me to drown. Good friends. So here I am. Alone.